I’m on a break! In more ways than one.

It’s hard to have peaceful, companionable silence through a phone. I guess it only took me 72 days to realize that. The unfulfilled hoping and wishing is what hurts the most. The fact that there is no end, that I could still be hoping and wishing in two months, four months, a year. Uncertainty. There is now uncertainty in jobs. Uncertainty in relationships. Uncertainty in health. Never before have I felt a larger loss of control. I have no control over anything. I wake up, I eat, I go back to sleep. But the lives outside of my own, the ones I used to engage with, wrap around and entwine myself with are no longer mine to touch.